New and awkward

Oh, hey.

When you're new at something, it feels really awkward to do it. You hamper your progress with that new habit or process by questioning why you chose to do it in the first place. You might go down the rabbit hole of motives; good, bad, or otherwise. If that new thing has any public element, it can feel like everyone is staring at you, either waiting for you to screw up or silently judging you for how you look doing it. Our mind amplifies the degree to which we believe others are paying attention to us. It’s called the spotlight effect.  Researchers have documented that we think about ourselves more often than we think of any other person. It’s like that old saying when you're in your 20s you think everyone's thinking about you; when you're in your thirties you decide you don't care; when you're in your 40s you realize they were never thinking about you at all. This is the work of adulthood. To come back to your heart and do the new and awkward thing even if it feels really hard. Even if it feels like you're standing in a spotlight. 

It’s important to note the ways our mind works very hard to convince us it is doing us a favor by highlighting all the ways we could be doing it wrong. It amplifies the awkwardness and tells us we might die if we don’t stop doing the new thing. But really, it's just a dysregulated nervous system preventing us from taking steps to change our lives.  When I notice the spotlight effect in my life, I try a strategy I learned a long time ago: Acknowledge and Proceed Anyway. Hey, super-strong fear! I feel you here. You’re telling me that this hot light shining on me is illuminating every flaw I put out on the internet. You’re telling me to stop writing and DO NOT press “publish” on this post. That’s okay. I hear your concerns. You can take a coffee break, now. I’ve got this.