Strong voice, angry eyes

Oh, hey.

I became a brand new baby teacher way back at the turn of the century and began my teaching career in a small international school in Bangkok, Thailand. Although the school had an official policy of not hiring first-year teachers, they made an exception for me since I had done my student teaching there. It was probably still a mistake.  I taught middle school language arts and I was as green as they come. One afternoon, about a month into the school year, the veteran math teacher who taught three floors above me pulled me aside and said, “ you need to find your strong voice and your angry eyes or these kids are going to eat you alive.”  I smiled and shrugged and expressed thanks for her well-intentioned advice. And proceeded as per my normal, quiet, meek self. 

I remember feeling small when she said this to me, like everyone could see how inexperienced I actually was, although I was projecting confidence as best I could. I also secretly thought she was pretty battle-hardened; the kids didn’t speak too highly of her, although they did respect her. I didn’t know how to be a teacher the way she was, so I kept doing things my own way.

I can see now how both she and I had some wisdom that day. I needed to be my own teacher self, not uselessly try to emulate her. But with 23 years of insight later, I can see why she felt she needed to say that to me. Although I knew in my head that I had enough training to be leading a classroom, I still felt like an imposter. And I wasn’t in touch with my anger, at all. I only knew how to be (outwardly) calm and sweet. Many years later, I’m more aware of how my anger serves an important purpose in my life by helping me identify what’s important to me and helping me go after it. I have found my strong voice and my angry eyes. I also know  how to bring a classroom full of kids to silence with a whisper. 

Identifying the places where we are most aligned with our strong voice and angry eyes can help us recognize what matters to us. And sometimes, we can even help others do that work themselves, as Mrs. Potato Head so lovingly did for her partner: “I’ve packed your extra shoes and your angry eyes, just in case.”

We’ve got this.